Hear Me Cry

in the days up until now
you thought you knew me
but all you could see
was who I pretend to be
under it all
I am scared
lost
hurt
as you run by me
catching just momentary glances
you pick out certain things
yet you never stop
and take the moment to reflect
on why I may act
in the way that I do
why do I cry
because it hurts
why does it hurt
because I care
why do I care
because I know no other way
yes it matters to me
how I am perceived
by others
along the road of life
when you ask me why it matters
I just don't know
but it does
I am not allowed to cry
I am not allowed to hurt
I am not allowed to care
but I am
and I do
I cry
for fear of losing
the only things I have
which at times is nothing
more then myself
and I hurt
for the longing to be needed
and wanted
and cared for
the things I see you have
I have nothing
my life is a transient state
it comes
it goes
and more then not
it never returns
that is why I am not able to care
not the way I want
without being hurt
I want to care with all my heart
and have it be returned
I want to say I love you
and have it be returned
and know it is the truth
I want to have a friend
who will not speak evil words
and try to hurt me
purposefully
vengefully
repeatedly
one who understands my heart
and can remember
a smile
can change the whole world
from my point of view
sometime when your hurt
step back and think
because maybe the reason
you feel so hurt
is because part of you
is part of me
and you feel my pain
from deep within
next time your down
and don't know why
stop and think
retrace your steps
remember me
and hear me cry

Amy Marie
06/30/02